I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
