Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she woke up with a sticky ear
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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