i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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