Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
