sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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