Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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