Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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