worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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