We're facebook friends in real life
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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