Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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