In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
