Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
