If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
