dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
