I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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