how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
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