i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
