we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
