So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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