im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
