remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
