You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
