so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
