Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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