so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
