I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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