Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
