watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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