I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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