i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
