I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
