I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
