The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
