Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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