I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
