Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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