well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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