You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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