Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
