he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
