I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
