I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
