meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
