But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
