You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
