So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
