On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
