I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
