So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
