Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
